I can't wait until....

What is it about human nature that always has us saying "I can't wait until *insert life moment here*".  Maybe I'm the only one who does this,  but something tells me I'm probably not.  (or maybe that's just wishful thinking..  I don't want to be in this boat all alone)

I can distinctly  remember so many times in my life when I was thinking "I can't wait until" - Like,  for example,  when I could not WAIT until I was old enough to shave my legs.. (I have a best friend who I know also felt this way so...  Atleast I know I'm not alone on this one) 
shaving your legs... Uhhh,  so grown up,  so mature,  so COOL right??  WRONG..  I remember cutting my leg and thinking um oww, this is painful not fun..  Then realizing once you start shaving your legs and armpits you're like totally committed.  There is no turning back.  And every time it grows back it's coming back with vengeance.  Darker thicker and even more work than before..  Ugh it was another freaking chore..  I hate chores.
Then there was high school, couldn't wait to be in high school  or being able to date (kill me now) -  being able to drive (ok that one is actually quite handy).  Getting OUT of high school (and away from my evil parents.  Cuz let's face it all teenagers have evil parents).  Couldn't wait to get married to have kids,  after having my kids it's been "Oh my gosh I can't wait until they can walk"  which turns into "I can't wait until they can clean up this mess they just made".  I look back at all those times and think Oh my goodness why could I not have just enjoyed things right then at that specific moment.  Even if they were crappy moments they were my crappy moments that helped to shape me and mold me into the person I am today. 
However I haven't quite learned to quit the I can't wait until thoughts.  Today would be another wonderful example

Life is so totally crazy at the reynolds house.  Between school and soccer and karate and scouts and cleaning and that pesky thing called eating which requires cooking and more cleaning and laundry and forget about showering,  that's for special days. 
By the end of today's crazy day bostin was starving and grumpy and parker was..  Well just grumpy.  Bos had gone outside taken our container  with 500 water balloons and dumped it,  along with and entire cooler full of ice onto the front lawn. When we asked him to clean it up it sent him into a raging fit in the middle of our front yard.  Parker was screaming and crying.  I was hungry and screaming and almost crying. When we finally rounded everyone into the house matt realized he was almost late for bowling..  So out the door he went.  I waved goodbye smiling (and thinking bye loser hope you get a bunch of gutter balls for leaving me here alone with these little brats) but nicely saying (out loud)  bye babe love you bunches.  The more bostin threw a fit the more I thought I cannot wait until he quits throwing these crying screaming fits.
Bed time was a nightmare I kept thinking I cannot wait until they are asleep I cannot wait I cannot wait I cannot wait.  The only way I could reason with Bostin about going to bed was if I promised to snuggle him.  And as I lay there in bostins bed listen to parker cry from his bed in the other room I was thinking ugggh go to bed both of you I want to just sit and do nothing. Just at the moment I feel like I'm gunna go postal - Bostin rolls over puts his hand on my face,  kisses my forehead and says I love to snuggle my pooksters.  I wanted to just cry..  Instantly I thought to myself,  this is it kirsten this is the last ToDAY you are gunna get with him.  Tomorrow will be different,  next week will be different.  Next month will be really really different.  Right now he calls me his pooksters or his pookie. How much longer before our pet name becomes an embarrassment. Right  now when he throws a fit I am the one he wants.  He wants to hug me and snuggle me and throw a fit in my arms.  Maybe tomorrow he won't want that. Someday when he's mad and throwing a fit he WILL want to go to his room and he won't want me to hug him and snuggle him and give him kisses and snuggles to feel better. We don't have much time at whatever stage we are at in our lives (even though sometimes it feels like it will never end..  Trust me..  I understand the pain)  but in the big picture of things we don't have that much time in the RIGHT NOW. So who cares if your kid just wants 5 more minutes of cuddles or reading or loves.  Who cares if you have to spend one more month living at home with your parents or in high school or not shaving your legs or WHAT EVER.  Enjoy where you are right now.  Even if it feels sucky think of ten things you love about your life RIGHT NOW.  Write it down and remember that you might not have those things forever and you need to enjoy them while you can rather than wasting your time waiting for the wonderful things you think are head.  Cuz when you're older you're gunna wish you had enjoyed them.

Now I must go..  The sweet baby is crying and needs my snuggles.

Much love
Kirst

Time to get honest

Oh boy. Before I jump into this blog post - I have to admit that I am a little terrified to be writing this. Not that I think millions of people will read this (who knows maybe no one will read this) but because for the first time in my entire life I am going to be an open book. I am going to be honest, and truthful and write about how I am really feeling. I'm not going to write about what I think people want me to be or what they want to hear. I am writing this with the hope that this will help me to grow and be.. well a better me.

So let's start at square one.

I am Kirsten (technically I wasn't LEGALLY Kirsten until I was 15 years old.. I was born and named Heather... yes Heather, but that story is an entirely different blog post hehe) I am a mom to 2 wonderful boys - a wife to a man I still can't seem to convince myself I am worthy of - a daughter, a sister, a cousin a best friend and the list goes on and on and on :). I truly care about everyone I come in contact with and I can honestly say I would give everything I had to help someone who really needed it. I am a people pleaser to the core. I have this horrible need to make everyone like me, to the extent of changing who I am and even my standards. I am not the strongest tool in the crayon shed  (yeah yeah I'm combining and making up my own sayings) I have the most tender heart and words can absolutely break me. I am not particularly fond of myself (no I'm not looking for compliments or fishing for someone to make me feel better) I have battled my weight my entire life and I obsess every day about what I weigh, what I look like and how I sound when I talk - do I sound dumb? am I funny? Do they like me? Did I talk to much? Did I not talk enough? What did I look like? Was my butt showing? Crap... crap... does my breath smell like crap??
I have an enormous amount of anxiety. If you are trapped and held captive and I have to go through any kind of bugs or insects to get to you I'm sorry but I'm not your gal - I absolutely positively will leave you if we find ourselves in a situation with any kind of swarming bugs.. not even swarming bugs - let's just say bug.. you're on your own if we encounter any kind of bug while we are together. I probably should be locked in a padded cell with one of those straight jackets - But I'm claustrophobic and I'd probably pass out worrying that the jacket made me look fat :)

Ever since I can remember I have always had this voice in my head telling me I needed to do whatever it took to make people like me. Fake it if you have to but you will make everyone like you. It sounds totally insane right?? I mean it's not possible to make EVERYONE like you. Yet still, at 27 I find myself trying so hard to achieve this completely unattainable goal. I remember always thinking to myself "if you could just be skinnier people would like you". Then in high school - after being put on some medication for my ADD I lost 60 pounds over 1 summer. YES my life is finally going to be AWESOME.. right??? WRONG... I found myself skinny, and loving getting dressed... but I was still quiet, and reserved and shy and LOST - the only people who really said anything about my weight loss were the fantastic people I already had in my life. I didn't have this boost of confidence like I thought I would. I still found myself changing my hair, or the way I dressed or whatever to try and get these friends that I so badly wanted. I began to hate the skinny me too.. I began thinking I wasn't skinny enough. I wasn't pretty enough, I wasn't outgoing enough. So I completely abandoned ME. I left behind the Kirsten who loved church, and loved God - I completely dumped off the people closest to me, my best friends - my family. I became someone I didn't know, or recognize. And my life STILL wasn't what I wanted it to be - in fact things were spinning even farther out of my control. In the midst of my teenage crisis - in steps this weirdo messaging me on myspace (ahhhhh yes myspace - I know I know.. that is soooo 2005). His name was Matt - he was absolutely adorable, and kind, and the poor fool had no idea what a crazy pants he had just agreed to meet up with!! Almost instantly with Matt I could feel the real Kirsten showing up. I was so comfortable with him - I didn't feel this horrible pressure to amount to something - I could just BE.. and he was totally okay with that. Flash forward almost 10 years: I have this absolutely amazing life. We own our SECOND home, we have 2 wonderful children, we have been through the temple making our family a FOREVER family. I have a husband who sticks with me no matter what, He has a good job, we have a nice car, my son is in karate, and going to school - our youngest is growing and smiling and laughing and we are making some pretty amazing memories together. My life is more amazing than I can even handle - and yet - I find myself not happy. WHY?? Because of this lingering worry about what everyone else thinks about my life.

My cousin Jenn posted something today on FB. She talked about how we sit on FB reading every ones posts about trips they took, or fun things they are doing or did - and we compare it to our lives and then start to tear ourselves down thinking we aren't doing or being enough. It seriously struck a chord for me. I not only compare myself to what I am seeing on FB, but what I am seeing right in front of me. I hate that I compare my life to others - that I feel like I have to make my life look a certain way for everybody else. I am here to tell you we are so far from perfect. We are not swimming in money, we do not live in a mansion - we fight, we yell, we are sometimes horribly lazy - we are an incredibly ADHD family - and we forget stuff A LOT (I have a reminder in my phone to feed my dog every morning... yes... I know... I suck) I have spent so much time worrying about impressing everyone else with my life and it has gotten me no where. I am currently at a place in my life where I KNOW my Heavenly Father is nudging me and trying to remind me that I need to be humble and GRATEFUL. He is trying to remind me that it doesn't matter what Bob down the street thinks, or what that one lady at the grocery store thinks, or even what my own family members or friends think. He is trying to remind me that HE is the only one I should be worrying about. What does GOD think about my life? Would GOD be proud?
I have been battling depression for a while but it has gotten pretty bad in the last year. I find myself constantly dwelling on reasons why my life isn't good enough - why I am not good enough. But I am here - today - to say PUBLICLY that MY LIFE IS AMAZING!!! God has given me a life too amazing to express with words.

My life is not perfect - but I have had SO many perfect moments. I am not sailing around in my boat on a sea of money (although I am swimming in laundry - - - I have come to terms with the fact that I suck at laundry, and I am okay with that :) - but I am sailing around sharing what I do have with some of the worlds most amazing people. I have a family who is far from perfect but they are MINE. I am part of an amazing church - and even though there are some people in the church that I want to just squeeze until their eyes pop - we are all just children of God - running around this crazy world trying to do the best we can. I am going to do everything I can to make this year NOT about trying to look good for everyone else but to really be grateful and THANKFUL for the wonderful life that I do have. I know this will sound cliche, but life is not about who has the biggest house, or nicest car, or takes the best trips. It's not about how we look, or how we dress, or if we are the most popular, or the funniest. Life is about being HAPPY. LOVING everyone, including the weirdos and even the people you don't want to love. Its about being a good person, and loving the way Christ would love.

SO... here we go


I am Kirsten - I have 2 boys who ALWAYS amaze me. And lets face it - they are incredibly good looking :) I am married to my best friend - who is one of the most amazing people I have ever met. Who loves me through everything and is always there for me!! I have friends who have seen me at my worst, hugged me when I was doing the ugly cry, and got me through some of the worst years of my life! I have parents who love me and would do absolutely anything for me and my family - a sister who is fantastic and has no problem letting me text her song lyrics throughout the day! I married into an amazing and HUGE family whom I love dearly. I am also loved so incredibly much by my Father in Heaven - who is always there and truly does want me to have the most amazing life! I am a SINGER... oh boy am I a singer - I can (and will) turn just about anything into a song - I like to dance like a crazy person around my house. I am a wonderful, happy, often confused, HOT MESS! And I wouldn't want it any other way.  I am a MORMON - I have a strong testimony of my church and I KNOW that God loves me and is proud of me. I know that he gave me this big heart to do GOOD and that if I would just believe in myself I could do some amazing things!!

<3

Forgive!!!

Well, you wouldn't believe it (I'm still feeling shocked myself) but I am KID FREE at this moment! Although it doesn't really FEEL like I'm kid free, because I keep looking up to check where my kids are, and what they are doing, or what they are breaking, or eating or stomping or coloring. BUT it's true, I am here - sitting outside the beautiful Saint George temple and my kiddos are home playing with their daddy!! 

I felt the need while sitting here enjoying the utter silence to get out some of the things tugging at my heart strings! As I sit here at the temple I am filled with the spirit! I am so unbelievably grateful for the knowledge I have that families are forever! To know that my Farmor and Farfar, my uncle jerry and all my other family members that I don't even KNOW are watching over me! I am even more grateful to know that I can be the perfectly imperfect screw up of a person that I am (that we ALL are) and it's ok! I can wake up each day and try to be a little bit better and that is good enough!! I honestly wish that all of us imperfect people could start cutting eachother some slack! We are all here just chugging along in this sometimes hellish place trying to do the very best we can! We ALL screw up, say things we regret, do things we regret! And when it's yourself you hope and pray that people will forgive and forget and move on - yet it somehow is so hard to show the same compassion for others, or even for yourself!! 

Life is entirely too short to spend it holding grudges, and being hateful. Too many lives can be affected and hurt by being stubborn, unforgiving and vindictive! 

FORGIVE, don't hold a grudge - don't stay mad - don't be stubborn - because before you know it you won't have the opportunity to make it right - to give one last hug or kiss. To laugh and make memories one more time! And you will be left with a hole in your heart that is far bigger than the one put there in the first place. I am surrounded by so many amazing people that I truly love with all my heart and I am forever grateful for each and everyone of you!!

Now I better get going before poor Matt things he has a runaway wife!! 

LOVES TO YOU ALL!!

One Word... doTERRA

Excuse me for a minute while I braid my hair into an awesome headband, sing a little kumbaya and dance around a tree flashing the peace sign. :) KIDDING... but seriously though I need to take a few minutes to express my absolute LOVE for doTERRA!

I know that some of you are probably thinking I have turned into one of those "crazy" people - and maybe I have , I am cool with that - BUT you have to hear me out. My sweet little 5 month old has had a digestion problems since he was like 2 months old. ALWAYS constipated, to the point where he was screaming in pain - and even had his poor little bum bleeding at times. Now, as with most mothers - seeing either of my boys in pain is the absolute worst. I had called the pediatrician a handful of times, and was given lots of different things to try, but none of them worked. On Easter weekend we were at Matts brothers house when Parker started having a complete meltdown. He was in so much pain :( he was screaming and had giant tears pouring down his face. I felt totally and utterly helpless. There was nothing I could do but sit there massaging his belly and give him kisses (not that either of those helped him out). It was absolutely awful. I had started talking to the lovely Andrea Riggs, and she said "I have an oil for that". I was honestly so desperate to make my poor baby feel better I probably would have been willing to cut off my right arm to help him. Thank GOODNESS I got to keep my right arm AND I got something WAY more valuable than just a help for Parkers constipation. 

I have been hearing about doTERRA for a while now - and honestly, I was on the fence about it. Not that I didn't believe in it - but I didn't exactly BELIEVE in it.. haha if that makes any sense at all. I had been to a few doTERRA parties and gotten lots of info, but it never really seemed like something I was interested in or needed at the time. Now flash forward to Easter Sunday, its a different story. We ended up heading over to Charles and Andreas house to get some oil for Parker. I also scored big because she gave me some other oils, for my anxiety, and some calming oils for Bostin (that boy can go from silly to obnoxious and destructive in the blink of an eye) We rubbed the oil on Parkers feet, and then that night when we got home I put some more on his feet, and on his belly. In less than 24 hours I watched as Parker went from miserable, and constipated - to completely emptying out his system (trying to spare awful details here). I am not kidding - by the next morning we already had success. Then he continued to "succeed" (if you will) FOUR MORE TIMES that day. I couldn't believe it. 
I put that oil on his feet still at least once a day - and you know what?? NOT ONCE since that night has he been constipated or screaming out in pain. I could not believe it. I honestly wanted to run over to Andreas house and kiss her feet. Matthew (who has always been a skeptic of the oils) said (and I quote) "okay, I am absolutely a believer in that oil - I have never seen so many crappy diapers in one day" I have been using the oils everyday since then and almost immediately ordered my own supply of oils. They have not only helped out Parker, but myself, Bostin and Matt. I AM IN LOVE. 
I have been using the oils on Bostin when he starts getting crazy and at first he did not like it - but now?? He loves it. Whenever he starts getting defiant, obnoxious and crazy - I have him lie down on the couch and I massage the oil into his feet, a little into his ears and on his chest. Not only does the oil work - but it also has me stopping whatever I am doing, and taking 10-15 min to just hangout and spend time with Bostin, and teach him to just slow down and take it easy. When was the last time you just slowed down, and took 15 min to yourself (or with your kid, spouse or whoever) and just CHILLED - no TV, no Facebook  no PHONE - just relaxed, add the amazing healing properties of the doTERRA oils and you are in absolute heaven. I also started putting the lavender oil on Bostin and Paker before bed and now Bostin asks for it. It is amazing. 

All of us have about a million and 10 things on our plate at a time. We have health stress, money stress, job stress, school stress, kid stress, relationship stress WHATEVER. However, in the words of Andrea, THERE IS AN OIL FOR THAT! I'm not kidding :) 

I had the amazing pleasure of going today and having some Aromatouch therapy done and it was absolutely and fantastic!! I am hoping to get certified so that I can do Aromatouch and share the amazing powers of these oils. 
I can't express how much I am loving them, or the amazing thing they have done in such a short amount of time. If you are curious at all about the oils let me know! I know hearing from me how amazing they are isn't everything, you need to experience it YOURSELF. I want everyone to have access to this amazing stuff. I know for me I was absolutely in the mindset that I was helpless. Anytime something was going on with my kids it was immediately take them to the Dr. How amazing I feel to know that I don't have to be in a panic calling the Dr next time my kid can't take a dump. Don't get me wrong, there is always a time and a place for Dr's and we do need them and modern medicine. But NOT always - It honestly scares me how quick doctors are now to just prescribe some highly addictive med before they even really know what the problem is. 

Anyway, off my soapbox - If you want info PLEASE don't hesitate to email me or call me or text me or whatever, you can come over to my house and I can show you some of my oils and what they do!!! They are amazing and EVERYONE should be able to have these at their fingertips!!!

About me, because I know you're curious.

HELLO!!
I'm pretty much ecstatic that you are reading this - and I'm not just saying that! It seriously makes me feel loved that you are taking the time to read this.  Before you read on please know - I am no journalist. I didn't major in English and I am not proper in the things I say or post - and I don't claim to be. I will more than likely spell words wrong at one time or another - use dash marks instead of periods..... Randomly use a million periods. Overuse the exclamation point!!!!!!!!!  use things like haha hehe and lol way to much and many many other horrible uses of the English language. And I don't care - so if it bugs you I am really sorry - just know that I don't want to hear about it LOL!!!

Now - I would almost guarantee that you know me (considering I have this blog private). So you either know me really well - or not so well - but either way you know me. So I am going to try and make this about me short sweet and to the point. I am Kirsten Reynolds been married to the LOVE of my life for 7 years - I have a 3 year old and a baby on the way. I am a stay at home mommy - although it still feels very new to me. I've spent my whole life working - started going to work with my daddy when I was barely old enough to walk. I got my first REAL job (not for my parents) at 13? Working at a snocone shak. And I HATED it! Around that time I would also go with my mom to her work at the title company and help her (after hours) with filing and other random things. At 16 the title company officially hired me on as filer/errand girl/office helper. From that point on I started my career in title. It's been 4 years since I haven't had a full time PAYING job and it still feels new and oddly strange to me. I decided to make sure I still had something just for me (since my day is filled with taking care of the kiddo (soon to be kiddos), house, cooking, and hubby! Oh and don't forget the dog) so I really pursued my love for photography. I have ALWAYS had a passion for taking pictures so its been great to really be able to focus on that! I have a mommy and daddy (yes I still call them my mommy and daddy) that I adore and a sister that I would break noses for! I am a shy person - it takes me a little bit to warm up to people and be... well ME!!! I am a MORMON and I love my church. I love God and Jesus and they play a pretty big role in my life. I am blessed with so much and I absolutely love my life! 

Now,  onto why I wanted to start this blog - I have been gifted (or cursed as I most often find myself feeling) with a huge and very VERY tender heart. I have a compassion and love for people that often get me into trouble. I am the type of person who literally gives her ENTIRE heart into everything she does. Which means - I am the most reliable person you could ask for - as I would give you my last penny if you asked for it, but it also means that I am easily hurt. It doesn't take much to hurt me or make me cry!! I have an amazing gift of loving people for exactly who they are regardless of what you look like, smell like, or think like. I could care less about your race - sexual orientation - religion, how much you make, how much you DON'T make or anything else. I care that you are a good person (which I know everyone is capable of being) as long as you are not harming anyone live your life and I will live mine.... Now don't get me wrong - there are some times where I think to myself what in the HELL is wrong with that person. But I cannot hold a grudge. I cannot be mean for too long before I start to feel absolutely horrible about it. I LOVE PEOPLE. I love helping people, spending time with people - and all around being a good person. I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER about myself and my life when I stop being what I think people want me to be and just be ME. I care about everyone - even people I don't know. 

I care TOO much about what people think of me and I get scared to voice my opinion or say what I am thinking because I don't want to be judged or made fun of - and I can't imagine  having someone mad at me or upset or heaven forbid HATE me.. So for (almost) 26 years I just keep my thoughts to myself (or those poor unfortunate people closest to me - you know who you are) until they come pouring out in a fit of rage or uncontrollable sobbing. I wanted to start this blog so that I could come here and voice my opinion - post and talk about things that honestly and truthfully have a very strong place in my heart. I am not here to upset or offend ANYONE. That is the last thing I want - so please read my posts knowing that they come from someone who has an absolute love for this world and everyone in it! I honestly hope that maybe one of the many things I have brewing in my mind that I want to blog about - will make someone - more compassionate - more loving? A little more open to thinking outside of their belief system - Or maybe even brighten someone's day! Nothing and I mean NOTHING makes me more happy than being able to do something for some to make their day better, happier or a little easier.

Now this is all I am going to say on THIS post. I have so much on my mind and so many topics that I would like to talk about that I really truly hope that you will read and ENJOY.

MUCH LOVE!!!
Kirst.